The Boxing Match

When I enter a boxing competition, I enter to win. That means doing anything necessary to gain the upper hand while keeping it as clean as possible.

Before any match begins, I like to do a little last minute training in the locker room. This is key because it enables me to go over my ducking and falling down skills one more time. Now I can be sure I'm more prepared than any of my opponents who just focused more on the punching and blocking part. If they get knocked down they'll have no idea how to handle it due to this lack of training. Being the best at something means preparing for it from every angle.

Once I've got myself all warmed up and ready to go, it's time to enter the ring. Upon getting into my corner I'll usually see my opponent from across the canvas giving me the death stare. This is for intimidation purposes and I need to give it right back. While I'm staring I'll ask my coach to give me a couple of good jabs to the stomach and face for extra intimidation. As my coach is whaling away on me I'll eventually fall down. This is good because it will horrify my opponent as he sees that not only am I good at getting punched, but I can fall down good too. Looking at my huddled, bloody body on the floor, he'll immediately realize that he hasn't properly trained and will probably want to forfeit.

If my intimidation tactics don't scare my opponent off, then I can look forward to doing battle. Once the bell rings the crowd will go wild and then it's just me and Mr. Half Trained going toe to toe. Since I know getting punched and falling down are probably his two main weaknesses, I know exactly where to focus my efforts. My opponent, on the other hand, has no clue what my weaknesses are. He has already seen that I can get punched and fall down, so what's left?

As we meet in the center of the ring I can tell he's nervous by the way he punches me repeatedly. As he's doing his thing he eventually lands an uppercut square on my chin, just as I had planned, sending me to the canvas. Now I have him right where I want him. He just played into all of my strengths leaving him wide open for a counter attack. As I spring up from the floor with the grace of a gazelle, I just start swinging wildly in every direction. I would direct all of my punches toward my opponent but it's hard when you're dizzy and have blurred vision. Eventually I'll start hitting what I assume is my nemesis and go absolutely wild with a flurry of combinations. Left, right, jab, jab, uppercut. Repeat. Repeat. This guy is terrible at falling down, just as I suspected, but he sure can take a punch.

Once my vision slowly returns I realize I wasn't quite hitting my opponent, but more the ring post. As I turn around to face the enemy I'll see him across the ring laughing because he's so happy it wasn't him I was hitting. I point at him with my glove as if to say, "Now it's your turn", as I run full speed toward him while keeping my arm and glove outstretched in front of me. Once I reach him I'll try to ram my glove into his face. After that I'll keep my fist in his face so he doesn't have an opportunity to do or see anything. As I chase him around the ring, keeping my glove in his face, he'll eventually get so annoyed that he'll just swat it away and wallop me with a left hook. This is where all my falling down skills come in handy once again.

Lying on the canvas, I'll decide that instead of getting up, I'll just go to sleep. For whatever reason I'm finding it nearly impossible to keep my eyes open, and since I'm already lying down I might as well take a nap.

When I wake up I'll realize that I lost the the match. Apparently sleeping isn't allowed during the competition. My opponent got lucky. Next time I'll try to stay awake for the entire fight, which can be hard when you're unconscious.