Surviving a Bank Robbery

Unless you're the one performing a bank robbery they're usually not much fun to be a part of. You're forced to sit for hours, the robber is constantly yelling, and you don't get a cut of the money. Then, as if that isn't annoying enough, you could get shot.

Since bank robberies are so stressful and can lead to death, it's important to have a solid survival plan. One of the first things we have to think about is keeping ourselves out of harm's way. If, for instance, we're walking up to the door of our bank and we see a man in a ski mask waving a gun around, it might be best to come back later. If there's an emergency, like needing a roll of quarters for laundry, I might just pop my head in quick and ask how long he's going to be.

We don't always have the luxury of simply not walking into a bad situation like a robbery, though. Sometimes we're just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If I ever find myself in such an unfortunate circumstance I know exactly how I'm going to handle it; by remaining calm. It's been statistically proven that you're less likely to have an encounter with a bullet if you're behaving yourself. Following this simple rule will not only keep me alive, but will allow me to put on the ski mask I brought with me to the bank. Now I can act like I'm robbing the bank too and really throw the robber for a loop. He might even think I was there first and I can tell him to go find his own bank.

If the ski mask works then there will be nothing left to do but breathe a huge sigh of relief, assure everyone he's gone, and rob the bank myself. The previous guy has already gotten everyone in the mood for a good robbing so I might as well just go with the flow. To be successful in this life you have to take advantage of every opportunity to rob banks that come along.

That's not to say the ski mask idea is sure to work, especially if the robber sees me putting it on. This can cause an awkward situation. He might buy that my face was getting cold, but more than likely he's going to think I'm up to some funny business. In this case it's good to know the psychological profile of a bank robber. Firstly, most bank robbers don't actually want to hurt anyone. Second, they often feel they've been cheated by society. And third, they have a real problem with being bankrupt. With all of these facts at my disposal I can try to talk him down by telling him I understand how he feels, but I have better things to do than sit in a bank all day.

Needless to say, by the time I'm through with the robber he's usually so upset he begins pacing around, ranting about disrespect, and wildly firing his weapon. Just as I had predicted. Now all we have to do is wait patiently until he runs out of ammo.

Eventually the police will arrive, and hopefully before anyone gets hurt. After all, if bullets have one defining characteristic, it's their desire to stay in motion. And who knows, maybe the robber will run out of ammo before the cops ever show up. Then I'll be able to pull out the gun I brought with me and get this whole robbery thing over with so everyone can go home.