Buying a New Car

When buying a new car, you're faced with a lot of important decisions. Should you buy new or used? What's your price range? Is gas mileage and performance a big deal, or would you be fine with a back-hoe? Since these are tough questions to answer, it makes purchasing a vehicle that much more difficult. That's why I'm going to show how I would go about making the final decision.

When going to any dealership, it's important that I don't get pushed around by the salesmen. I have to let them know that I'm not going to let myself be bullied into anything before I'm ready. That's why I always go to the dealership naked. This shows them right away that I'm on a very tight budget and will have to really think about my purchase. Not only that, but since I'm not wearing any clothes they'll be able to clearly see that I didn't bring any money with me. I'm not playing games. I didn't plan on buying today and they'll know it before they even approach me. When I go to a car lot, I need to go with my game face on. I need to prove I can play hard ball just like the rest of them.

Since I'm shopping for a new vehicle naked, none of the salesmen come over to hassle me. Now I can just search at my leisure and really look for a car that suits me. Once I find one that really catches my eye, it's time to get some help to see what kind of pricing we're looking at. And sure, the price tag may say $21,450, but that's not what it means. All a price tag does is show you the maximum they would charge for a car. Of course they wouldn't charge you more than what it's marked at. That means they would sell this particular car anywhere from $0 to $21,450. With that kind of range, when the salesman comes over I know exactly what price I'm going to be negotiating for, $15 -$25. This way the salesman will really feel like it's worth his time to go through the paper work, unlike if I went for the $0 dollar range. I have to remember, if I want great service I need to dangle a little extra incentive in front of them.

When I finally convince an associate to come to my aid, it's time for the negotiations to begin. First we'll make some small talk. I'll tell him I like his suit and he'll respond by asking if I want to borrow his jacket or something. This is always a good sign. It lets me know right away that he's really looking to make a sale. He's already trying to buttering me up with the whole jacket offer routine.

Now that I have him right where I want him, I go in for the kill. I'll casually look at the car and say, "How's $5 sound?" Of course I know he isn't going to go for this, but it's always good to start low rather than high. I can tell he isn't quite hooked by the way he says, "Very funny." But that's when I charge right in with the $20 offer. It's at this point that he starts laughing at me because he's so happy to have made a great sale.

He'll usually laugh for a good minute or so thinking that it's some kind of joke, but as soon as he realizes I'm serious, he changes his tone. It's at this point that he'll say something like, "I think you need some serious help." And I'll say, "No, I'm just not afraid to put down some serious cash when I see something I like." Then I pull out a wadded up 20 dollar bill that I had in my mouth. It's at that point that he goes into his office and calls the police. I guess I can't blame him. Here I was, implying that I didn't bring any money with me when I actually had 20 bucks in my mouth the whole time. I made him feel stupid and now the cops are arresting me for it.

As the cops take me away I just tell the salesman to save the car for me and I'll be back to pick it up tomorrow. I can tell he feels bad about the whole arrest by the way he doesn't make eye contact. It's OK though, I'll just use the $20 to bribe the cops into dropping me back off at the mental institute. Then I'll use my negotiation skills to get placed into a higher security room. That's right, it's time for hard ball, and I've reapplied my game face.