Humans are an interesting species. We walk on two feet, cover our bodies with decorated pieces of cloth, and are terrified of dirt. There certainly isn't any other animal out there quite like us, and that's probably a very good thing. Not that we don't have our strong points, we just have so many more neurotic ones that it drowns out any detectable sanity we have left.
To really drive this point home, I want to look at one of the more bizarre traits we humans possess; our competitive mind set. At first glance, competition seems like a completely natural and even necessary function for living organisms. It's the whole survival of the fittest idea. And although that's all well and good, we homo sapiens have taken competition to a whole new level. Let's take sports for instance. There are a huge number of athletes and sports fans in the world, all of whom have the same goal in mind; winning. Why is it so important to us? No one knows. We humans have just decided that if you're better at catching a ball or beating everyone in a foot race, you deserve a special prize. Are you actually helping anyone? No. Have you just made the world a better place? No. Did you accomplish anything at all that's going to matter to anything in any way? No. Should you still get rewarded for it? Of course! You can roll a ball down a straight, wooden lane and knock stuff down at the other end better than anyone! Now that's an essential quality in need of recognition.
Although the drive to excel in sports seems a little odd, it's understandable based on where we come from. It wasn't long ago that we needed to be the fastest or the strongest to survive. And, even though physical ability isn't as necessary as it was in our caveman days, it's still ingrained in our psyche. Having said that, however, there's still no excuse for some of the other areas in which we yearn to be the best. What areas am I talking about, exactly? It's simple; almost any other area you can think of. We humans are competitive in practically every single facet of our lives. Whether it's in video game playing, hot dog eating, or leaf raking, we're constantly sizing up the competition. How come we care about these things? Who knows. One thing is certain, though, we care a lot. Why else would a grown man smash his PS3 controller with a hammer whenever he loses a game? Is being good at pushing buttons really that important?
It's true, our sense of competition is spiraling out of control. We strive to be the best at anything we can think of. We want nicer hair, whiter teeth, a prettier shirt, etc. When does it end? Remember when we were children and the kid who had the most pants pockets was the "winner"? You may laugh, but we're no better once we grow up. Now, instead of competing to have the most pockets, we're striving to have the biggest car, parked in the biggest driveway, in front of the biggest house. Oh, and what's that? You just installed a new garage next to your home? Well guess what? I just installed a new house on top of my new garage! You just planted an exotic tree in your back yard? Good for you!! I just planted a giraffe!!! You purchased a Burmese Python at the local pet shop?! SO WHAT!! I JUST PUT A DOWN PAYMENT ON A BLUE WHALE!!!!
What's sad about this whole state of affairs is that when I said we're competitive over EVERYTHING, I meant it. Nothing is off limits. This can only lead to one thing; wanting to be the best at things that we shouldn't even want to be the best at. Let me ask you, what's 'cooler' when you're in college. Getting drunk off of two beers at a party, or getting drunk off of a 24 pack? That's correct, the 24 pack. Does it matter that drinking that much alcohol is terrible for you? No. All that matters is that you can drink more than the next guy. What comes after this? Seeing who can ram their head the hardest against a brick wall? "Oh man, did you hear that Jimmy's in a coma after smashing his head on the wall?" "Really? Wow, he destroyed me, I only got a concussion. Well, wish me luck, I'm off to stab myself with a fork."
It appears that because we have no need for survival anymore, our competitive nature is simply spewing off in every direction, and someone is going to get hurt. We all need to just relax and ask ourselves, does it really matter if Jane can remember all the names of the muppets when I can only remember Miss Piggy? Does it affect my life in any way if Tom can fit 7 marshmallows in his mouth while I can do only 5? We all need to just put down the video game controller, go look at ourselves in the mirror, take a deep breath, and say, "My next door neighbor's tree has more branches than mine, and I'm OK with that." If we can't do this, in a few more years human beings could very possibly cause their own extinction. Not because we tried to hold our breath the longest or drink the most rubbing alcohol, but because we all had the sudden urge to be the best at being the most dead. Just think about that for awhile. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a pair of jeans with six or more pockets.
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