Being a Teacher

Having a classroom full of elementary students can be intimidating. As a teacher, I have all of these little people staring at me like I'm going to say something important, even though I hadn't planned on it. This is scary, but I can't let it stop me from giving these kids what they deserve; a quality education.

In order to create the best learning environment, I need to set the classroom up in a way that everyone will feel comfortable with, especially me, the teacher. If I'm not comfortable then I won't be able to instruct correctly. This is why I have my students turn their desks and face the back of the classroom. Now I can feel better knowing no one is staring at me. Public speaking is everyone's number one fear, but it's much more manageable if no one is actually looking at you.

Not only do I feel more comfortable if the students are facing the back wall, but now they have the opportunity to broaden their horizons. Anyone can learn when they're looking directly at an instructor, so where's the challenge? I need to create a situation in which the student is forced to rely less on vision, and more on instinct. Once they are able to feel what I am demonstrating, as opposed to seeing, I'll know I'm doing my job. It's just like in those martial arts movies where the trainer blindfolds his pupil in order to make them more in touch with their body. Then, because of this, they're able to karate chop a board with their hand or something. I'm doing the same thing, except instead of karate chopping a board with their hand, my students are karate chopping math problems with their brain. In a lot of ways, it's just as impressive.

Once I have my classroom set up in the most learning conducive manner, it's time to teach. What most people don't realize is that teaching is an art form. That's why I paint all of my lessons on construction paper. Why tell my students about something when I can show them? If I need to teach about the Civil War, for instance, I know a few squiggles strategically placed on red paper will symbolize it better than words ever could. The students will take one look at my masterful rendering and, because of my fine detail, know everything they need to know about the war.

Through my paintings, I'll be able to teach my students a full years worth of material in one day. I just smile when I think about how pleased all the parents must be with my hands on learning techniques. Just the other day I had a mother call me at my home telling me I have her daughter thinking the dinosaurs are just a bunch of big, green blobs on brown paper. I just laughed and said, "Don't worry, my teaching techniques have failed with every other group of students in the past, but I have a much better feeling about this one."

I have to admit, sometimes I'll come to a topic that I find quite difficult to paint. That's when I turn to interpretive dance instead. Nothing describes Benjamin Franklin better than a couple of smooth moves executed at precise timing and rhythm. But, since my backward facing students aren't able to actually see me dancing, they'll have to use their intuition. This is where their minds will really begin to perform that mental karate chop.

At the end of the school year, when my students have failed every test that was administered, I can feel good knowing that I've set many of them up to be dancers. That's what being a teacher is all about, giving students the ammunition they need to flunk out of school in order to pursue their artistic dreams.