Is it only a matter of time before being polite and courteous becomes a debilitating obsession? As kindergartners, one of the first things that is drilled into our heads is, "Be nice to everyone and treat them how you want to be treated". Don't get me wrong, this is a great rule, but I think even great rules can be overdone. Let's take current businesses for example. When you walk into a Walmart, what's the first thing that happens? You're greeted by a 'greeter'. This is what I mean by overdone. They have a full time position where someone just stands at the door to smile and say 'Hi'. Walmart is friendly and by george they're going to prove it.
Then, once your in the store, the employees hover around you like a bunch of rabid honey bees asking, "Do you need help finding anything?" once every ten seconds. I feel like I have my own personal fairy just waiting to make all of my dreams come true.
Some grocery stores are even worse. They may not have a greeter, but they must give their employees fairy steroids or something. They don't even need to be anywhere near you to ask if you need help. You could be half way across the store and suddenly hear an employee shouting, "ARE YOU DOING OK??" Come on, it's a grocery store! I know there's a lot of different cheeses to choose from, but I think I'm going to make it. Sometimes I like to start crawling on the floor and tell them I couldn't handle the spaghetti sauce aisle. "There were just too many of them. They were everywhere! Tell my mom I love her."
But it isn't just stores that are dealing with this epidemic. Think of all the things we try to avoid just because they have been deemed 'rude' by society. Burping, spitting, and passing gas are all big no-no's if you're in public. These are natural biological functions! What's next, not being able to sweat? And after that, no scratching itches? At this rate, in ten more years it'll be considered rude to digest food, cough, or breathe while you're in public. Is that your heart that's beating? Stop it! And don't make me tell you again about that kidney of yours, always trying to function when you're out in society.
It's not just bodily functions that are under siege either. So are all personality traits except friendliness. No one wants to make a scene or risk hurting someone else's feelings so everyone tries to be in hyper-nice mode whenever they leave the house. If you're ever standing in line, waiting for someone to take your order but you're not sure who got in line first, you or the person next to you, good luck. You will spend the next five years of your life saying, "Oh no, you go ahead!" "No really, I love you, go on now!" And by the end of the debate you both have a trial lawyer, eye witnesses, and a judge trying to prove why the other person should go first.
I have to admit, I am also guilty of trying to be neurotically friendly. Whenever I'm talking to someone, I'm only half paying attention to what they're actually saying. The other half of my effort goes into making sure they think I'm really nice and a good listener. So, while they're gabbing away, I'm trying to decide if I'm looking into their eyes too much. Not enough? Are those their eyes? Am I smiling enough? Laughing enough? Did they just ask a question that I was supposed to answer!? Why are they just staring at me!? Do I have something on my face, or are they expecting a response?? How about I just wipe my mouth and say, "Yeah totally, I think so that I agree too, definitely, no, wow, yeah totally. Here's ten bucks."
Don't even get me started on trying to listen to someone give me directions. As soon as they start talking, my brain automatically shuts down. I'm so preoccupied with trying to make it look like I'm listening intently that I can hardly hear anything they're saying at all. And, to make matters worse, I'm already panicking from the start because I know I'm not going to remember all of the steps they're going to give anyway. I mean honestly, how am I supposed to remember complex directions AND put on a friendly, good listener production? So, as they're rambling on saying, "Then, take a left at the purple house..." I'm frantically thinking to myself, "OK, take a light at the purple, got it." By the time they're done explaining, I'm having muscle spasms on the floor and mumbling, "You make words. I get that."
It's not my fault that I'm neurotic! That's the way we're told to behave ever since we're born. We're taught that when you're in public, you shouldn't show any emotion except kindness, no matter what. No wonder so many people are having mental breakdowns! We aren't robots! We have feelings other than happiness! So, the next time someone stops to talk to you and asks how you are, don't say what you're 'expected' to say, which is, "Good, thanks." Say, "My ass hurts and I don't feel like talking to you right now, if ever. And you have stupid hair." Only then will we be able to avert this debilitating courteous complex that's sure to drive us all mad.
In fact, the negative effects of this 'courteous complex' are already starting to rear their ugly heads. Sure, everyone is sickeningly nice when in a store or passing by on the street, but what happens as soon as we step into a vehicle? That's right, we immediately morph into raging lunatics. See, once we're in our car, we aren't technically in public anymore and we've been friendly just about long enough. Did you take too long making a turn? Guess what? You're getting the finger. Forgot to use you're blinker? Nice work. You just pissed off the guy behind you so much that he's going to spend the next fifteen minutes of his life farting and bashing his forehead on the steering wheel. How about you accidentally looked at the guy behind you in your rear view mirror? I hope you have airbags because you're getting rammed into a train. That's right, it's no holds barred and there's going to be hell to pay.
People are using their vehicles as a means to release the negative emotions that get built up from having to contain them all the time, and that's scary. We're in control of a huge ball of metal on wheels, and we're pissed. So sure, we might be friendly when we're walking down the street, but as soon as we step into our car, we're coming to get you. That's right, we held the door for you, we said please and thank you, and now that we're in our car, we want to make sure you know we didn't mean any of it.
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