Babysitting

I love babysitting children. It's like you're the guardian angel of these little living things that would probably choke, drown, and fall out of a window without you. This is why I take my duties very seriously when I'm called to babysit.

One of the first things I do when I'm watching someone's kids is sit them down on the couch and explain that houses have a lot of hidden dangers. I tell them stair cases are not a toy and should be treated with respect. I explain that if they get too close to an outlet they could be electrocuted. And I teach them never to swallow anything they find in their basement, bathroom, or refrigerator because everything is poisonous. After I'm done with my little warning spiel I explain that they may get off the couch if they're going to be careful, but they will probably still die.

Now that I have the children playfully cowering in the center of the living room, it's time to play a nice, safe game of nap time. This is where all of the kids lie motionless on the floor while I watch TV. The game usually goes quite well until one of the children starts whining that they're hungry or need to go to the bathroom. I just laugh and tell them it'll only be a few more hours. Young children are so needy.

After I'm done watching television it's time to eat something. I let the children go into the kitchen and make their favorite food and then have them bring it out for me to eat. This has always been one of my fondest parts of babysitting because it's so precious watching a toddler use their very first butcher knife. It's like, are they going to slice off a piece of bread, or something entirely different? You just never know.

Once snack time is over I'm usually running a little low on ideas for activities. We've already played a nice game of nap time followed by feed the babysitter, so what's next? At this point I like to play a little game called "Hush Little Baby." This is where I tell the children to shut up whenever they start talking. It sounds easy but you'd be surprised at how much kids can complain. It's just a constant barrage of, "I'm hungry. I'm cold. I'm choking." And even though they may not actually come out and say they're choking, by the way they make all of those noises, I can tell they're thinking it. It's like, Nice job Little Timmy, but I wasn't born yesterday like you were.

By the time "Hush Little Baby" comes to an end I figure we'll get in a quick round of playing dead. We don't have anything better to do, and besides, Little Timmy has already started without us. Before we get things underway, however, the parents usually come home and ruin our fun. Upon entering the living room their smiles often fade to concern as they exclaim, "Why is our Little Timmy turning blue!?" I just laugh and say, "Oh, we were just about to play dead." As they rush over to their little boy I figure my work here is done and head out the door. While I walk I always feel a sense of pride because, hey, I just made a difference.